Genesis Buy-bull Part 1 of 3

When I first wrote this Journal on the date below, I was merely commenting on the stuff I was reading, then decided after a few chapters it would be best to include the actual verse. I started fully including every verse in Genesis chapter 12.
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July 3-Tuesday> 2013

Ok, so here we go with my documented evidence that I have read the bible and that I can without a doubt say how stupid, nonsensical and pointless this actually is. It’s been over 35 years since I’ve read this.

Yes I am copying “The Bible Reloaded” but this is more of a personal documentation more than anything else. If anyone reads this and sees that the bible really is nonsense and become an Atheist and wake up, well that’s just a bonus.

Chapter 1:1-31

How stupid! Who believes this nonsense?

What’s with all the “it was goods”? This goes against everything in science!

There was no god involved in any of this. It was 4.5 years of stuff crashing into Earth after getting spat out by an exploding super nova, then things slowly evolved!

Chapter 2:1-25

11) “Pison” was the first? As in the wasps? WHAT?

The land just outside of Eden is called “Havilah” ok. There’s gold there. Ok.

22) Why take a rib? Why not just make her from dust like Adam? I am in complete awe that anyone believes this and I’ve only just started reading it.

Seriously, who can be this stupid?

23) How did Adam say anything? He just magically knew how to speak?

This is not the mind of a rational thinking person.

Chapter 3:1-24

Who cares if they’re nude? If it was just them do you serioisly think they’d care? NO! What stupid nonsense?

God needed a tree why? Why does god need a tree?

8) God was walking? Again, no sense at all.

14) So the snake wasn’t Satan, but god simply punished the snake because it didn’t do anything wrong? This is so unbelievably stupid!

16) Oh gimmee a break! So women should be slaves to men because Eve got Adam in trouble because they ate the apple?

Seriously, this is so absolutely mindblowing people believe this stupidity!

19) The just magically knew how to make bread? Shaking my head that people are so dumb.

24) Who even invented swords yet? Yet god already has flaming ones? Dumb!
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July 5-Thursday> 2013

Chapter 4:1-26

So Cain and Abel are born, boom just like that. Do people not know this is all nonsense from Moses, who never even existed.

4-5) What’s with the giving God offerings nonsense? God doesn’t need offerings! He’s God!

Couldn’t God just go “hey guys I’m fine, really” I mean he already is talking to them here. That kinda makes God a narcissistic douchebag dontcha think?

9) Why does God ask Cain about where Abel is after Cain kills him?

Why do people pray silently, or millions of people pray at the same time? Obviously if they go by the logic of this retarded bullcrap story that God can’t be in 2 places at once.

14-15) And God tells everyone “if they find Cain, slayeth him”? Seriously I can’t believe I’m reading this stupid book.

If people weren’t so brainwashed and stupid I wouldn’t have to read this idiotic garbage. So if Cain and Able were Adam and Eve’s kids, then who are these “other people” who god told to kill Cain?

17) And who was Cane’s wife all of a sudden? Why didn’t Moses, or whoever wrote this stupid story say who she was? Why skip the details?

This is so painful to read and I only just started. I CAN’T BELIEVE PEOPLE ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO BASE THEIR LIVES ON THIS!

I mean I just started doing this journal and I seriously have veins pulsing on my head in anger!

18) So Cain’s son was Enoch. Enoch’s son was Irad. Irad’s son was Mehujael. Mehujael’s son was Methusael. Methusael’s son was Lamech.

Where did these women come from? I mean seriously this makes no sense! Yet they don’t believe in evolution even though we have scientific proof!

Then they have the nerve to tell me they aren’t brainwashed? How can anybody read this and still believe this idiocy?

I guess this proves people really don’t read the bible! Nobody in their right mind could read this and still believe it.

19) And Lamech had two wives? Where are these women just magically coming from? They can’t be inbreeding, that would have destroyed the species by now.

One wife was Adah, and the name of the other Zillah. Adah had Jabal and his brother Jubal.

Jubal is apparently the guy who created the first musical instruments. Whatever!

Suuuuure he did.

20) Zillah gave birth to Tubal-cain and his sister Naamah.

23) Ok I have no idea what they’re talking about here. Lamech says he killed some guy and hurt some guy and is telling his wives!

“And Lamech said unto his wives, Adah and Zillah, Hear my voice; ye wives of Lamech, hearken unto my speech: for I have slain a man to my wounding, and a young man to my hurt.”

24) Ok, so what? He wants revenge for Cain? This is so stupid!

“If Cain shall be avenged sevenfold, truly Lamech seventy and sevenfold.”

25) So Adam and Eve had another son named Seth.

26) Seth’s son was Enos
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July 8-Tuesday>2013

Chapter 5:1-32

So this is about Adam’s kids apparently

2) Another Adam? WTF?!

“Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created.”

3) Adam lived to be 150 years and had a son named Seth. Yeah we know.

4) Seth lived to be 800? Oh shut up! Who seriously bases their lives on this stupidity?

5) WHAT?! now it says Adam lived to be 930 years. Guess there was a second Adam.

6) Ok, so Seth lived 805 years now? Huh? Who cares? It just said 800.

7) Now 807 years Seth lived? Ok, WTF?!

8) Ok now Seth lived to be 900? This is really retarded! So irritated now.

9) Enos had Cainan at 90? Gimmee a break. His son was Cainan.

10) So Enos lived 850 years now and had 15 kids. He had a son named Cainan.

I really would love to smash the person who wrote this over the head for writing this nonsense in the first place.

Ah, they couldn’t have known that they were going to completely screw up the world by writing some stupid story.

11) Enos lived 905 years

12) Cainan had Mahalaleel at 70. A boy I guess.

14) Cainan lived to be 950 years old.

15) Mahalaleel lived sixty and five years, and had a kid named Jared.

16) Mahalaleel had a bunch of kids.

17) Mahalaleel lived 890 years.

18) Jared had Enoch at 162

20) Jared lived to be 962

21) Enoch had Methusalah at 65

22) It says Enoch walked with god after he begat Methuselah 360 years and had kids.

What does that mean? How stupid!

23) Then Enoch died at 365 years.

Funny how much detail God told Moses, the guy who suppsedly wrote this!

24) “And Enoch walked with God: and he was not; for God took him.”

What does that mean? I can’t believe I’m stuck reading this stupid book.

25) Methuselah had Lamech at 187.

27) Methuselah lived 969 years

Ok, reading this bible sure isn’t making me a believer. Just annoyed and bored!

28) Lamech had a son at 182 years old.

29) Son was Noah.

31) Lamech lived 777 years.

Yeah whatever!

32) Noah was 500 years old: and had Shem, Ham, and Japheth.

So again this is all supposed to have been from a story that Moses was told from god?

Religies then wonder why we call them insane and stupid! What kind of thinking person believes this idiocy. Unfortunately MILLIONS!
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July 11-Thursday> 2013

Chapter 6:1-22

1-3) The angels thought women were pretty hot and HAD to have sex with them and knock them up.

Do people not get how retarded that is? It means god can’t control his minions. Think about it? So god made the angels horny? Huh?

4) The kids of the angels were giants and evil.

5-7) God decided to kill everything on Earth because he decided he didn’t like people. Yeah okay, nice guy.

Again, who is dumb enough to believe this?

8-22) God likes Noah and tells him to pack stuff up and that he’s gonna kill everything with a flood.

Except his family and Noah’s 3 sons Shem, Ham, and Japheth and their wives.

He says how to build it and he’s gonna bring 2 of everything, so why not just magically kill everything?

We all know the stupid story.
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July 14-Sunday> 2013

Chapter 7:1-24

1) God liked Noah and said he would spare him.

Again, why wouldn’t god just magically kill everything, or simply make things better.

2) “Clean beasts”? What is a clean beast? Clean beasts are in sevens and “non-clean beasts” are by twos.

Again, why would God care?

3) Birds by sevens.

Is this so the meat eaters could eat something?

4) 40 days of rain is supposed to cover the Earth?

Again, why not either just magically and instantly fix things, or kill everything?

6) Noah was 600 years old when the flood happened.

Do people not see the stupidity in this?

10) So people actually think that 7 days of rain could actually flood the entire Earth?

Whovever believes this is an embarrassment to themselves and the human race.

13) So the wives never got names?

So the guy who pretended to be Moses wrote this and even though God gave him all these details he didn’t have the wives names?

17) Again with the “40 days” talk over and over.

24) The water “prevailed” for 150 days?

What does that mean exactly?
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July 15-Monday> 2013

Chapter 8:1-22

1) “AND God remembered Noah, and every living thing, and all the cattle that was with him in the ark”?

So he brought extra cattle for the meat eaters? Yeah okay whatever, there still isn’t enough room.

Seriously. Who is dumb enough to believe this?

2-3) So after 150 days the water started going down?

4) After 7 months and 17 days the ark rested on Mount Arafat. People are stupid enough to believe that

“And the ark rested in the seventh month, on the seventeenth day of the month, upon the mountains of Ararat.”

Yeah people are stupid enough to believe that the Earth’s water levels went higher than the mountain. Wonderful

5) So after 10 months they seen mountain tops.

6) “And it came to pass at the end of forty days, that Noah opened the window of the ark which he had made”

Forty days? From what?

7) He sends a raven out to look for stuff.

8) He also sends a dove.

10) Another 7 days he sent the dove out.

There really should be a reality show where they do this, or try to. Just the animals afloat part in a big wooden ship.

11) The dove showed up with an olive leaf in it’s mouth.

Wouldn’t a carrier pigeon be better? He would have had those.

12) So the dove stopped coming back.

14) The water all disappeared at some weird date that I didn’t get.

15-16) God told Noah and his family to get off the ark.

17-19)

Bring forth with thee every living thing that is with thee, of all flesh, both of fowl, and of cattle, and of every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth; that they may breed abundantly in the earth, and be fruitful, and multiply upon the earth.

18-19) They got off the ark

20) “And Noah builded an altar unto the LORD; and took of every clean beast, and of every clean fowl, and offered burnt offerings on the altar.”

WTF?! Why is he killing animals he just looked after for almost a year?

21) “And the LORD smelled a sweet savour; and the LORD said in his heart, I will not again curse the ground any more for man’s sake; for the imagination of man’s heart is evil from his youth; neither will I again smite any more every thing living, as I have done.”

So basically God LOVES animal burning. Then says it’ll never kill everything with a flood again.

It never even did it the first time.

22) Everything went back to normal.

Whatever. How stupid.
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July 18-Thursday> 2013

Chapter 9:1-29

1) God told Noah and his sons to breed.

Yeah people really need to be told to have sex and have kids. NOT!

2) No idea what this means

“And the fear of you and the dread of you shall be upon every beast of the earth, and upon every fowl of the air, upon all that moveth upon the earth, and upon all the fishes of the sea; into your hand are they delivered.”

3) God basically says to Noah “the world is yours to rape, abuse and destroy at your leisure”.

Yeah okay.

4) I think this means “don’t eat things alive”:

“But flesh with the life thereof, which is the blood thereof, shall ye not eat.”

Oh who cares? It isn’t true anyway

5) This is so stupid but here is what it says:

“And surely your blood of your lives will I require; at the hand of every beast will I require it, and at the hand of man; at the hand of every man’s brother will I require the life of man.”

I really don’t care what this means either. Something along the lines of “God needing people I think, to get stuff done.”

6) This is seriously beyond retarded.

“Whoso sheddeth man’s blood, by man shall his blood be shed: for in the image of God made he man.”

Because it isn’t real I gave up trying to figure it out without even caring.

7) More of God saying to breed like crazy.

8-9) God said to Noah and his group:

“And I, behold, I establish my covenant with you, and with your seed after you”

Seed? What, like sperm? Like what? How stupid!

10-11)

God says it won’t do anymore floods.

12) God promises no more floods.

Why would it even care? It’s God? It does whatever it wants.

13-17) What’s this stupidity:

“I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth.”

A bow? Like a present bow? Anyway, blah blah blah. God says “rainbows are a gift to remind us of the flood.”

We of course know that to be nonsense.

See Wikipedia reference here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rainbow

18) Noah’s son Ham is the father of Canaan. Ok, sure.

Was he born on the ark? It doesn’t say.

19) Noah’s sons and family spread out from the ark.

20) What is a “husbandman”?.

“And Noah began to be an husbandman, and he planted a vineyard”

21) So Noah became a drunk and was naked in his tent.

Ok this is supposed to be a story for kids?

22) Ok I am just speechless now. I’m just gonna quote this idiocy as I’m too annoyed to even comment.

“And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brethren without.”

“Brethren” means “brothers” right?

23) May aswell just quote it.

“And Shem and Japheth took a garment, and laid it upon both their shoulders, and went backward, and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were backward, and they saw not their father’s nakedness.”

24) What does this mean?

“And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done unto him.”

What did he do to him?

25) Okay explain this one:

“And he said, Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren.”

26) And what about this one?

“And he said, Blessed be the LORD God of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant.”

27) Is Noah somehow designated Ham’s son Canaan to be his sons Shem and Japeth’s slave? WTF?! He’s their nephew!

“God shall enlarge Japheth, and he shall dwell in the tents of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant.”

28) Noah lived 350 years after the flood.

Yeah no he didn’t.

29) Noah died at 950 years.

Give us a break.
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July 20-Saturday> 2013

Chapter 10:1-32

Great. I skipped Chapter 10 thinking it was 11. Now I have to insert this in before Chapter 11. Oh well. Sorry Twitter readers who I tweeted this to.

1) “This is the account of Noah’s sons Shem, Ham, and Japheth. Sons were born to them after the flood.”

Well duh.

Great. Well more mind-numbingly boring family heritage listings of people who didn’t exist.

Guess I’ll just quote it & post it and hope I say something amusing along the way. I have my doubts. I could made fun of the names, but then it just makes me look like a goof I guess. Oh well.

2) “The sons of Japheth were Gomer, Magog, Madai, Javan, Tubal, Meshech, and Tiras.”

3) “The sons of Gomer were Askenaz, Riphath, and Togarmah.”

Seriously who cares? This is so boring.

4) “The sons of Javan were Elishah, Tarshish, the Kittim, and the Dodanim.”

5) “From these the coastlands of the nations were separated into their lands, every one according to its language, according to their families, by their nations.”

WHAT?! According to it’s language?

I know for a fact cause I just accidentally read the next chapter that everyone speaks the same language, whatever that is! So WTF?!

How are they seperated by language if they all speak the same one?

Then people argue with me why it’s a made up story. Idiots! Self-enslaved idiots!

6) “The sons of Ham were Cush, Mizraim, Put, and Canaan.”

Another Canaan? Popular name!

7) All these peoples names. Yawn, yawn yawn.

“The sons of Cush were Seba, Havilah, Sabtah, Raamah, and Sabteca. The sons of Raamah were Sheba and Dedan.”

8) Okay finally done with the names after this it looks like.

“Cush was the father of Nimrod; he began to be a valiant warrior on the earth.”

9) “He was a mighty hunter before the Lord . (That is why it is said, “Like Nimrod, a mighty hunter before the Lord .”)”

That isn’t my bracket above. Guess the app I copied was trying to make a point.

10) “The primary regions of his kingdom were Babel, Erech, Akkad, and Calneh in the land of Shinar.”

Okay so Nimrod becomes like a king, or leader.

Has anybody ever heard the term “nimrod” as an insult? I have. Just saying.

11-12)” From that land he went to Assyria, where he built Nineveh, Rehoboth-Ir, Calah?and Resen, which is between Nineveh and the great city Calah.”

I’m looking at this and wondering is this even important at all? Like what’s the significance of reading this?

Even if maybe some of these were like real cities, do I look them up to see if there was any record of them?

13-14) “Mizraim was the father of the Ludites, Anamites, Lehabites, Naphtuhites,?Pathrusites, Casluhites (from whom the Philistines came), and Caphtorites.”

Ugh, more family heritage stuff. Oh please make it stop. Add some violence, or some cool bullcrappy story that kinda seems like magic but is really of course God showing off.

15-18) “Canaan was the father of Sidon his firstborn, Heth, the Jebusites, Amorites, Girgashites,
Hivites, Arkites, Sinites, Arvadites, Zemarites, and Hamathites. Eventually the families of the Canaanites were scattered”

Ok folks hang in there, I know this is boring as watching grass grow, but just hang in there. I know you can do it!

19) “and the borders of Canaan extended from Sidon all the way to Gerar as far as Gaza, and all the way to Sodom, Gomorrah, Admah, and Zeboiim, as far as Lasha.”

Ok blah blah blah that’s the family heritage of Canaan. So glad that’s over.

20) ARGH Now Ham’s heritage? “Ham”? seriously? Kinda like “Salami”.

“These are the sons of Ham, according to their families, according to their languages, by their lands, and by their nations.”

21-22) Shem now? Wonderful. Who cares?

“And sons were also born to Shem (the older brother of Japheth), the father of all the sons of Eber. The sons of Shem were Elam, Asshur, Arphaxad, Lud, and Aram.”

23) Ok Aram now. Great. Now how does knowing peoples names really matter? What great life lessons are there from knowing these peoples names? They weren’t real and even if they kinda were based on people, who cares? Let’s get to the God stories!

“The sons of Aram were Uz, Hul, Gether, and Mash.”

24) Okay bare with me here. Just a little further then this boring family stuff will be done.

“Arphaxad was the father of Shelah, and Shelah was the father of Eber.”

25) “Two sons were born to Eber: One was named Peleg because in his days the earth was divided, and his brother’s name was Joktan.”

26-29) Ok I’m just gonna breeze through this now, I can’t take it. I don’t wanna leave stuff out and try to skip unimportant stuff but am just gonna speed this along.

“Joktan was the father of Almodad, Sheleph, Hazarmaveth, Jerah, Hadoram, Uzal, Diklah, Obal, Abimael, Sheba, Ophir, Havilah, and Jobab. All these were sons of Joktan.”

30) “Their dwelling place was from Mesha all the way to Sephar in the eastern hills.”

31) “These are the sons of Shem according to their families, according to their languages, by their lands, and according to their nations.”

32) “These are the families of the sons of Noah, according to their genealogies, by their nations, and from these the nations spread over the earth after the flood.”

Funny how if you jump ahead for fun to 1 Timothy 1:4 it says this

“Neither give heed to fables and endless genealogies, which minister questions, rather than godly edifying which is in faith: so do.”

GENEOLOGIES MEANS LISTING OF FAMILY HISTORY!!! WTF?!!
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July 19-Friday> 2013

Chapter 11:1-32

1) Everyone on Earth spoke the same language.

2) Whoever “they” are.

“And it came to pass, as they journeyed from the east, that they found a plain in the land of Shinar; and they dwelt there.”

Blah blah blah

3-4) Some idiots decided to build a tower that goes into heaven.

5) God saw them building the tower.

Like god would seriously even care.

6) God had a brilliant idea of magically causing everyone to speak a different language and not understand each other.

Yeah that makes so much sense. Now God won’t have to fear them building the tower and getting up into heaven.

7) I guess God sent angels to do his dirty work and couldn’t just omnipotently do it himself.

“Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another’s speech.”

8) Everyone left to build a city after they all spoke a different language.

Yeah sure, that’s just what the’d start doing.

9) The tower was in Babel. Where everyone started to “babble”. Easy to remember. Where everyone started to speak different languages and spread out.

10) Yeah ok.

“These are the generations of Shem: Shem was an hundred years old, and begat Arphaxad two years after the flood:”

11) Ugh, more of this stupid family heritage nonsense.

“And Shem lived after he begat Arphaxad five hundred years, and begat sons and daughters.”

Just gonna quote it and save time. I still can’t believe I’m reading and journalling this. It just makes me think it’s more unbelievable and stupid.

12) You’d think people would read this part about the ages being so long and clue in that the bible is complete nonsense and not true.

How can people be so stupid?

“And Arphaxad lived five and thirty years, and begat Salah:”

13) Blah blah. More family details.

“And Arphaxad lived after he begat Salah four hundred and three years, and begat sons and daughters.”

14) So again God was supposed to have told all this to Moses.

“And Salah lived thirty years, and begat Eber:”

15) “And Salah lived after he begat Eber four hundred and three years, and begat sons and daughters.”

16) “And Eber lived four and thirty years, and begat Peleg:”

17) “And Eber lived after he begat Peleg four hundred and thirty years, and begat sons and daughters.”

Ok, I see the rest of this chapter is more of the same family stuff. What a boring boring drag!

Screw it then. Just gonna breeze through this section with quotes, or I’m gonna fall asleep.

18) “And Peleg lived thirty years, and begat Reu:”

19) “And Peleg lived after he begat Reu two hundred and nine years, and begat sons and daughters.”

20) “And Reu lived two and thirty years, and begat Serug:”

21) “And Reu lived after he begat Serug two hundred and seven years, and begat sons and daughters.”

22) “And Serug lived thirty years, and begat Nahor:”

23) “And Serug lived after he begat Nahor two hundred years, and begat sons and daughters.”

24) “And Nahor lived nine and twenty years, and begat Terah:”

25) “And Nahor lived after he begat Terah an hundred and nineteen years, and begat sons and daughters.”

26) “And Terah lived seventy years, and begat Abram, Nahor, and Haran.”

27) “Now these are the generations of Terah: Terah begat Abram, Nahor, and Haran; and Haran begat Lot.”

Yeah ok. Their generations. Sure.

28) “And Haran died before his father Terah in the land of his nativity, in Ur of the Chaldees.

Huh? “Ur of the Chaldees”? Wherever that is? Oh who cares?

29) Oh this is so boring to read. I had to just have a coffee cause of how boring it is.

“And Abram and Nahor took them wives: the name of Abram’s wife was Sarai; and the name of Nahor’s wife, Milcah, the daughter of Haran, the father of Milcah, and the father of Iscah.”

Sorry to subject all who are reading this to such boring nonsense.

30) “But Sarai was barren; she had no child.”

There better be some significance to this stuff! Somehow I doubt it!

31) “And Terah took Abram his son, and Lot the son of Haran his son’s son, and Sarai his daughter in law, his son Abram’s wife; and they went forth with them from Ur of the Chaldees, to go into the land of Canaan; and they came unto Haran, and dwelt there.”

Oh who cares?

32) “And the days of Terah were two hundred and five years: and Terah died in Haran.”

Oh whatever. Any imbecile can invent a few characters and give them names.

I guess I had better start doing follow ups to these readings regarding evidence of historical truth.

Even better idea. I’ll keep score.

So according to Wikipedia it’s just a story and not real. Similar stories all over the world. Just shows it’s just a recycled story.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tower_of_Babel

So far the historical credibility of everything I’ve read is ZERO. Aswell as being completely ridiculous nonsense!
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July 20-Sunday> 2013

Chapter 12:1-20

Ok l just took a quick look and seen that there were no family heritage things in this one. Awesome! They really suck!

I’ll just quickly translate stuff and quote stuff I have no idea what it means.

1) Okay, I wanted to quickly shorten this and make it as painless as possible but I guess that’s kinda hard to do. Sorry gotta quote this:

“NOW the LORD had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father’s house, unto a land that I will shew thee:”

“Kindred” meaning people. Get out of your dad’s house and God is gonna show him where to go. I guess.

2) I guess this means God is going to magically make Abram the leader of stuff.

“And I will make of thee a great nation, and I will bless thee, and make thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing:”

Again, this is a story God told Moses and he told it. That God sure is a talky being. You really wouldn’t know it though would you?

3) Yeah okay so God sure talks to everyone back then didn’t he?

“And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed.”

4) What does “went with him” mean? Isn’t God supposed to be invisible and without substance? I guess it means he left like God said.

“So Abram departed, as the LORD had spoken unto him; and Lot went with him: and Abram was seventy and five years old when he departed out of Haran.”

5) Ok, it looks like rewriting it ain’t gonna happen. Looks like I’m quoting stuff and commenting. That sucks. I was hoping this would be shorter. Guess I better not babble too much.

“And Abram took Sarai his wife, and Lot his brother’s son, and all their substance that they had gathered, and the souls that they had gotten in Haran; and they went forth to go into the land of Canaan; and into the land of Canaan they came.”

What does “substance” mean here and what does “souls they have gathered” mean?

Their stuff and people they had as slaves? Who knows? How stupid. What kinda translation is this? Seriously, WTF?!

6) Okay, what this says. Everybody read it a few times cause it’s soooo important. Just kidding. Who cares?

“And Abram passed through the land unto the place of Sichem, unto the plain of Moreh. And the Canaanite was then in the land.”

7) Ok now this is starting to sound like a Conan the Barbarian movie. FINALLY!

“And the LORD appeared unto Abram, and said, Unto thy seed will I give this land: and there builded he an altar unto the LORD, who appeared unto him.

An alter? God sure is a vain, narcissistic prick!

8) Yeah ok zzzzzz

“And he removed from thence unto a mountain on the east of Beth-el, and pitched his tent, having Beth-el on the west, and Hai on the east: and there he builded an altar unto the LORD, and called upon the name of the LORD.”

9) Okay

“And Abram journeyed, going on still toward the south.”

10) Famine. Okay.

“And there was a famine in the land: and Abram went down into Egypt to sojourn there; for the famine was grievous in the land.”

11) Okay how does this translate and still sound so lame? Who talks to women like this? Of course they did treat women like crap and couldn’t care less what they said.

“And it came to pass, when he was come near to enter into Egypt, that he said unto Sarai his wife, Behold now, I know that thou art a fair woman to look upon:”

12) So I guess he’s saying “she’s so hot that they’re gonna kill him, take her from him and most likely bang her at their leisure.”

Right?

“Therefore it shall come to pass, when the Egyptians shall see thee, that they shall say, This is his wife: and they will kill me, but they will save thee alive.”

13) No idea what this means. How does he even know what a soul is? Why not just say “he’ll live”.

“Say, I pray thee, thou art my sister: that it may be well with me for thy sake; and my soul shall live because of thee.”

I guess he’s saying that if they think she is his sister then they won’t kill him. Just take her and enslave her. I think he’s also saying he’s happy just knowing she’s alive.

14) Ok, so apparently his hunch was right about the Egyptians wanting his wife.

Who does marriages by the way back then? Anyone ever think about this?

“And it came to pass, that, when Abram was come into Egypt, the Egyptians beheld the woman that she was very fair.”

15) Ok I had to jump ahead and read the next 5 verses. Usually I’m too lazy. Guess it was kinda interesting. Still stupid and untrue though.

“The princes also of Pharaoh saw her, and commended her before Pharaoh: and the woman was taken into Pharaoh’s house.”

16) Well at least he bought her and gave him a bunch of good stuff for his “SISTER” WTF?!

So if I was a kid back then and I had a couple sisters I could be looking at them like “gee I can hardly wait to sell these bitches someday”

“And he entreated Abram well for her sake: and he had sheep, and oxen, and he asses, and menservants, and maidservants, and she asses, and camels.”

17) Yeah okay. How do I comment about something that never happened? Like actually hating the bad guy in a movie. IT’S A MOVIE!

“And the LORD plagued Pharaoh and his house with great plagues because of Sarai Abram’s wife.”

18) It doesn’t say how he found out!

“And Pharaoh called Abram, and said, What is this that thou hast done unto me? why didst thou not tell me that she was thy wife?”

19) So what was the whole point here? How did Pharaoh know anything about the sister being cursed?

Wouldn’t he be pissed off? Some leader. She’s cursed, he’s sick and the guy to blame knew she was cursed.

“Why saidst thou, She is my sister? so I might have taken her to me to wife: now therefore behold thy wife, take her, and go thy way.”

20) Ok, this is a pretty lame story.

“And Pharaoh commanded his men concerning him: and they sent him away, and his wife, and all that he had.”

Did anyone find themselves to be better people by reading just this story? How about believing in gods any more?

Please don’t let the entire bible be as boring and pointless as this chapter was.
——————————————–/

July 22-Monday> 2013

Chapter 13:1-18

Okay so I guess it’s just gone to quoting and commentary. Well so I guess it’s gonna be like this for the rest of the read. Well at least it’s in sections.

1) Ok I just had to look back and see that Lot was his brothers son. Back in Chapter 11.

“AND Abram went up out of Egypt, he, and his wife, and all that he had, and Lot with him, into the south.”

2) Ok was this cause of what he got for selling his wife which everyone thought was his sister? Wouldn’t the Pharaoh guy have wanted something back?

“And Abram was very rich in cattle, in silver, and in gold.”

3) Ok gonna read this a few times to try and memorize it, just cause it’s so boring. I didn’t remember the part that Lot was Abram’s brother’s son, so maybe gonna try and put a little more effort into remembering stuff.

“And he went on his journeys from the south even to Beth-el, unto the place where his tent had been at the beginning, between Beth-el and Hai;”

Not even gonna bother looking up these places. Don’t care and just cause there is a New York doesn’t prove that Spider-man is real.

Hey I just thought of a NEW ONE!

How does this sound? “The Spider-man New York fallacy”! I’m gonna see if I can get that trending.

(Dec 6th Friday 2013 entry-discovered since this entry that that Spiderman fallacy had already been named by someone else)

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=The%20Spiderman%20Fallacy

4) Hey look it’s a “god intercom”. Why would anyone need that? Doesn’t god telepathically know what everyone is thinking?

“Unto the place of the altar, which he had made there at the first: and there Abram called on the name of the LORD.”

5) And how did Lot get all this? Did he sell a sister?

Oh great now, I gotta go back and look if Lot had any sisters!

“And Lot also, which went with Abram, had flocks, and herds, and tents.”

Nope Lot didn’t have any sisters.

6) Guess they ate a lot and lived in a bad area it means.

“And the land was not able to bear them, that they might dwell together: for their substance was great, so that they could not dwell together.”

7) Ok so they didn’t get along.

“And there was a strife between the herdmen of Abram’s cattle and the herdmen of Lot’s cattle: and the Canaanite and the Perizzite dwelled then in the land.”

8) I think he’s saying “since we’re family let’s get along and help each other”.

“And Abram said unto Lot, Let there be no strife, I pray thee, between me and thee, and between my herdmen and thy herdmen; for we be brethren.”

9) Think he means “you take that half and I’ll take that half.”

“Is not the whole land before thee? separate thyself, I pray thee, from me: if thou wilt take the left hand, then I will go to the right; or if thou depart to the right hand, then I will go to the left.”

10) Okay, so they were nice places I guess and it’s saying that God was gonna destroy them. Why again?

“And Lot lifted up his eyes, and beheld all the plain of Jordan, that it was well watered every where, before the LORD destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, even as the garden of the LORD, like the land of Egypt, as thou comest unto Zoar.”

11) So Lot and Abram were quite a distance apart.

“Then Lot chose him all the plain of Jordan; and Lot journeyed east: and they separated themselves the one from the other.”

12) Ok. So good for them.

“Abram dwelled in the land of Canaan, and Lot dwelled in the cities of the plain, and pitched his tent toward Sodom.”

13) Okay, so what did they do that was so bad and why would God seriously even care?

“But the men of Sodom were wicked and sinners before the LORD exceedingly.”

14) Ok I know how boring this is but the story I know from memory is that God like destroys like the whole cities.

So hang in there. Sorry to spoil the story but it’s just so bloody boring and I’m just trying to encourage people to read this without being bored out of their minds.

“And the LORD said unto Abram, after that Lot was separated from him, Lift up now thine eyes, and look from the place where thou art northward, and southward, and eastward, and westward:”

15) I guess it means “God said it would make sure Abram had good crops from now on.

Seriously do people actually think God is omnipotent and made everything as they think and yet God still gives a crap about giving some guy some good crops?

“For all the land which thou seest, to thee will I give it, and to thy seed for ever.”

I mean I guess that’s what it meant. Who cares? It’s stupid and untrue anyway.

16) No idea what this means. guess it means “God will spread out crops, or something?”

“And I will make thy seed as the dust of the earth: so that if a man can number the dust of the earth, then shall thy seed also be numbered.”

17) So God is going to give the land to Abram? Simple assumption of what it means.

“Arise, walk through the land in the length of it and in the breadth of it; for I will give it unto thee.”

18) So Abram moved somewhere else and built another alter to God, cause God is such a vain, narcissistic prick and needs to have altars.

“Then Abram removed his tent, and came and dwelt in the plain of Mamre, which is in Hebron, and built there an altar unto the LORD.”

Ugh, what is it about the bible that it’s so coma inducingly boring? No wonder nobody reads this! It’s probably cause You read the same thing over and over again cause it’s so boring and is so stupidly written!
—————————————–

July 23-Tuesday> 2013

Genesis 14:1

So mad that I accidentally erased this just as I was about to copy send it!

This chapter has a lot of stupid names but a bit of action. Bout time!
1) A bunch of kings and a bunch of really weird names. Like I’m gonna remember them.

“AND it came to pass in the days of Amraphel king of Shinar, Arioch king of Ellasar, Chedorlaomer king of Elam, and Tidal king of nations;”

2) Another bunch of really weird named kings. At war with the kings in verse 1.

“That these made war with Bera king of Sodom, and with Birsha king of Gomorrah, Shinab king of Admah, and Shemeber king of Zeboiim, and the king of Bela, which is Zoar.”

3) All these who? I don’t know what this means I’m sorry.

“All these were joined together in the vale of Siddim, which is the salt sea.”

4) Just read it. There’s some action coming.

“Twelve years they served Chedorlaomer, and in the thirteenth year they rebelled.”

YAAY Rebellion!

5) I guess “smote” either means killed, or conquered.

“And in the fourteenth year came Chedorlaomer, and the kings that were with him, and smote the Rephaims in Ashteroth Karnaim, and the Zuzims in Ham, and the Emims in Shaveh Kiriathaim,”

6) Smote them too

“And the Horites in their mount Seir, unto El-paran, which is by the wilderness.”

7) Smoted everyone.

“And they returned, and came to En-mishpat, which is Kadesh, and smote all the country of the Amalekites, and also the Amorites, that dwelt in Hazezon-tamar.”

8) Big battle.

“And there went out the king of Sodom, and the king of Gomorrah, and the king of Admah, and the king of Zeboiim, and the king of Bela (the same is Zoar;) and they joined battle with them in the vale of Siddim;”

9) Ok some action!. These guys are kings.

“With Chedorlaomer the king of Elam, and with Tidal king of nations, and Amraphel king of Shinar, and Arioch king of Ellasar; four kings with five.”

10) Ok sure

“And the vale of Siddim was full of slimepits; and the kings of Sodom and Gomorrah fled, and fell there; and they that remained fled to the mountain.”

11) Pillaged and plundered!

“And they took all the goods of Sodom and Gomorrah, and all their victuals, and went their way.”

12) Ok, it’s pickin up!

“And they took Lot, Abram’s brother’s son, who dwelt in Sodom, and his goods, and departed”

13) Ok kinda interesting. Maybe I’ll just quote it and don’t need a comment.

“And there came one that had escaped, and told Abram the Hebrew; for he dwelt in the plain of Mamre the Amorite, brother of Eschol, and brother of Aner: and these were confederate with Abram.”

Uh oh. Don’t mess with family.

14) Again, Moses sure has a great memory for remembering all this!

“And when Abram heard that his brother was taken captive, he armed his trained servants, born in his own house, three hundred and eighteen, and pursued them unto Dan.”

15) More action! More smoting!

“And he divided himself against them, he and his servants, by night, and smote them, and pursued them unto Hobah, which is on the left hand of Damascus.”

16) Ok seriously this is what it says! It says “the woman and the PEOPLE”! WTF?! How can women support this book?

“And he brought back all the goods, and also brought again his brother Lot, and his goods, and the women also, and the people.”

17) Notice here it says “slaughter” not “smote”.

“And the king of Sodom went out to meet him after his return from the slaughter of Chedorlaomer, and of the kings that were with him, at the valley of Shaveh, which is the king’s dale.”

18) There was great rejoicing!

“And Melchizedek king of Salem brought forth bread and wine: and he was the priest of the most high God.”

19) Okay so Abram is bein all tough cause he’s God’s little buddy. How retarded!

“And he blessed him, and said, Blessed be Abram of the most high God, possessor of heaven and earth:”

20) A “tithe”? Isn’t that like a tax?

And blessed be the most high God, which hath delivered thine enemies into thy hand. And he gave him tithes of all.

21) Wait, “give me the persons”? What does that mean?

“And the king of Sodom said unto Abram, Give me the persons, and take the goods to thyself.”

Funny how unimportant it is to me to find out.

22) Not a true story, but nothing that a delusional maniac wouldn’t say and even more delusional maniacs believe.

“And Abram said to the king of Sodom, I have lift up mine hand unto the LORD, the most high God, the possessor of heaven and earth,”

23) Sorry, I really don’t know what he’s babbling.

“That I will not take from a thread even to a shoelatchet, and that I will not take any thing that is thine, lest thou shouldest say, I have made Abram rich:”

24) Uhhhh. Sorry, something, something, something about portions.

“Save only that which the young men have eaten, and the portion of the men which went with me, Aner, Eshcol, and Mamre; let them take their portion.”

Ok well there you go. I hope you’re still hangin in there.
——————————————–

July 25-Thursday> 2013

Chapter 15:1-21

1) Okay this is funny. A story that isn’t even real, which is telling us that God talked to someone in a vision.

People TODAY can’t say in a public court room ANYWHERE including complete religious nutjob countries and say “God told me in a vision”. However there’s billions who believe this happened over 3000 years ago.

“AFTER these things the word of the LORD came unto Abram in a vision, saying, Fear not, Abram: I am thy shield, and thy exceeding great reward.”

2) Abram asks god for a kid.

“And Abram said, Lord GOD, what wilt thou give me, seeing I go childless, and the steward of my house is this Eliezer of Damascus?”

3) So he’s pissed at God for not manipulating the universe and giving him a kid, but simply states that he has a heir living in his house. Guess that’s Lot.

“And Abram said, Behold, to me thou hast given no seed: and, lo, one born in my house is mine heir.”

4) WHAT?! Come out of Abram’s “bowels”? A person?! Huh? Again, how can that idiot at the Creationist musem think this is real?

“And, behold, the word of the LORD came unto him, saying, This shall not be thine heir; but he that shall come forth out of thine own bowels shall be thine heir.”

5) Ok, this is probably the stupidest thing I’ve read yet! So far we have a winner. A tie with the above “a man crapping out a human being” part,

“And he brought him forth abroad, and said, Look now toward heaven, and tell the stars, if thou be able to number them: and he said unto him, So shall thy seed be.”

6) Of course believing is just stupid.

“And he believed in the LORD; and he counted it to him for righteousness.”

7) God sure talks like a jerk.

“And he said unto him, I am the LORD that brought thee out of Ur of the Chaldees, to give thee this land to inherit it.”

Well it’s funny how there are 1000’s of people on Earth but Abram just happens to be chosen by God to be a ruler, cause God would really care about that.

8) I’m going to go to the World Leaders Conference and say “God told me he wants me to rule the world so please comply”. They’d laugh and say “prove it you psycho”!

“And he said, Lord GOD, whereby shall I know that I shall inherit it?

I think he would know if he was ruling the land don’t you think?

9) Okay seriously, why would God request this? Do religies not see this is just stupid? Why does God play these stupid little games of “bring me this”?

“And he said unto him, Take me an heifer of three years old, and a she goat of three years old, and a ram of three years old, and a turtledove, and a young pigeon.”

🎶And a partridge in a pair tree!🎵

10) Ok, if the bible gets any stupider, or God gets any stupider than this chapter, then I’m totally gonna have a nervous breakdown!

“And he took unto him all these, and divided them in the midst, and laid each piece one against another: but the birds divided he not.”

11) Of course he did! Just kidding. WTF?!

“And when the fowls came down upon the carcases, Abram drove them away.”

12) Gotta love those psychic dreams!

“And when the sun was going down, a deep sleep fell upon Abram; and, lo, an horror of great darkness fell upon him.”

13) Oh is this one of those retarded parts that religies keep mentioning about prophecies WITHIN the bible?

How stupid! A religie told me once there’s like 2000 future predictions in the bible ALL WITHIN THE BIBLE! Idiot!

“And he said unto Abram, Know of a surety that thy seed shall be a stranger in a land that is not theirs, and shall serve them; and they shall afflict them four hundred years;”

14) No idea, but it’s got to be one of those prediction things.

Great substance? That means what?

“And also that nation, whom they shall serve, will I judge: and afterward shall they come out with great substance.”

15) Huh? Didn’t his father Terah die at 205 years old already in capter 11?

“And thou shalt go to thy fathers in peace; thou shalt be buried in a good old age.”

Yeah, God said that to him. NO IT DIDN’T! Stupid idiots!

16) Blah blah derp derp. Oh okay I’ll read this and pretend it’s somehow important!

“But in the fourth generation they shall come hither again: for the iniquity of the Amorites is not yet full.”

More fore shadowed “prophecy fullfilled” I suppose.

17) How can something filled with such pointless chapters and verses like this one, control and manipulate people?

“And it came to pass, that, when the sun went down, and it was dark, behold a smoking furnace, and a burning lamp that passed between those pieces.”

18) Huh? “Unto thy seed”? Could they not have just translated this to make sense?

“In the same day the LORD made a covenant with Abram, saying, Unto thy seed have I given this land, from the river of Egypt unto the great river, the river Euphrates:”

19-21) Ok, I’m just gonna compress all this since it just seems to be a list of peoples that God tells Abram he’s gonna rule.

“The Kenites, and the Kenizzites, and the Kadmonites, And the HITTITES, and the Perizzites, and the Rephaims, And the Amorites, and the Canaanites, and the Girgashites, and the Jebusites.”

Hey, some religies will try and use “The Hittites” as proof the bible is real and being true since the Hittites are mentioned in history and they’re mentioned in the bible a few times.

Here in paragraphs 4 and 5 that stupidity is debunked.

http://plagueofmice.anarchic-teapot.net/2012/05/21/when-christians-attempt-to-use-evidence-to-justify-their-faith/

So so far the validity of anything in the bible being true is still ZERO.
I’ll be sure to mention and post this every time the Hittites are mentioned.
—————————————–

July 26-Friday> 2013

Chapter 16:1-16

Ok, this is the last chapter in part one of my journals and it only has 16 verses. AWESOME!

1) The woman’s name was Hagar? Wouldn’t you seriously hate your parents

“NOW Sarai Abram’s wife bare him no children: and she had an handmaid, an Egyptian, whose name was Hagar.”

2) I think Sarai is telling Abram to knock up “Hagar” so they could have some kids.

“And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the LORD hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai.”

3) Soooo Let me get this straight….

-Abram went away to Canaan for 10 years (wherever that is, or how far).

-Sarai “took” her servant Hagar and “gave” Hagar to Abram to be his wife.

-WTF?!

“And Sarai, Abram’s wife took Hagar her maid the Egyptian, after Abram had dwelt ten years in the land of Canaan, and gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife.”

4) Haha “he went in unto”. A weird way of saying “had sex”.

She got knocked up. Had to go look at the other verses, but it says that Hagar is talking about Sarai when it says she despised the “mistress”.

Weird.

“And he went in unto Hagar, and she conceived: and when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her eyes.”

5) Why would Sarai think God is judging her? This is like the very first soap opera now.

“And Sarai said unto Abram, My wrong be upon thee: I have given my maid into thy bosom; and when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her eyes: the LORD judge between me and thee.”

6) How nice. Abram says about the mother of his daughter. “You think I give a crap about this girl? Go kill her for all I care”.

This is the guy who God thinks of as his little buddy?

So I guess that means as we read on God is gonna tell Abram he’s a jerk? Somehow I doubt it but let’s give it a chance.

So Sarai “dealt hardly with her”. Well that can’t be good! No wonder she left.

Hey wait a second. I forgot that this never happened.

“But Abram said unto Sarai, Behold, thy maid is in thy hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee. And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled from her face.”

7) So one of God’s minions, found Hagar.

“And the angel of the LORD found her by a fountain of water in the wilderness, by the fountain in the way to Shur.”

8) So well just look at this how angels are talking to people now.

People seriously believe this to be real though?

“And he said, Hagar, Sarai’s maid, whence camest thou? and whither wilt thou go? And she said, I flee from the face of my mistress Sarai.”

9) Yeah okay that’s real great advice coming from “God”! He’s saying “go back to your abusive household, I don’t care”. Well the Angel’s God spokesman right?

“And the angel of the LORD said unto her, Return to thy mistress, and submit thyself under her hands.”

10) I think the angel is saying. “With my super angel powers I’m gonna make sure you have lots of kids”.

“And the angel of the LORD said unto her, I will multiply thy seed exceedingly, that it shall not be numbered for multitude.”

11) So this child is supposed to be someone important obviously.

“And the angel of the LORD said unto her, Behold, thou art with child, and shalt bear a son, and shalt call his name Ishmael; because the LORD hath heard thy affliction.”

12) I’m sure Hagar is really pleased about this.

“And he will be a wild man; his hand will be against every man, and every man’s hand against him; and he shall dwell in the presence of all his brethren.”

13) What is she saying? I think she is saying that she looked after Abram. Who knows?

“And she called the name of the LORD that spake unto her, Thou God seest me: for she said, Have I also here looked after him that seeth me?”

14) No idea what this nonsense means.

“Wherefore the well was called Beer-lahai-roi; behold, it is between Kadesh and Bered.”

15) Oh ok this must be another one of those stupid predictions I heard about WITHIN the bible. WTF?’

“And Hagar bare Abram a son: and Abram called his son’s name, which Hagar bare, Ishmael.”

Well of course God knew that his name was gonna be Ishmael. Suuuure.

16) When it says “fourscore” it means 4 x 20 which means 80.

http://www.yourdictionary.com/fourscore

“And Abram was fourscore and six years old, when Hagar bare Ishmael to Abram.”

Kids at 86? Well Larry King at least has kids that age cause of modern medicine.

—————

How unbelievable!

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